Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

I've been reading this book by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp but I've been reading it irregularly, i've read the first two chapters and then the last chapter, chapter 15, and as I read chapter 10 I stumbled across the most insightful and wisest thing i've read in a book on relationships:

"As we look forward to our relationships, we tend to dream of unchallenged unity, unfettered romance, unobstructed communication, mutual cooperation, blanket acceptance and respect, shared decisions, intimate friendship, or absence of conflict. Our dreams tend to forget that our relationships are being lived out in the middle of the already and the not yet. This side of eternity, none of us get to be with the person of our dreams and none of us are ready to be the person of someone else's dreams! We are all flawed people living in a fallen world, but with a faithful God. And at some point in every relationship, we are required to accept graciously who the other person is, even as we humbly admit who we are."

Tim Lane and Paul Tripp in Relationships. A mess worth making. Pg.109

Get This Book at The Westminster Bookstore!

Creation, ah the marvel of it

Hmm ok, if you think Esther's "wedding" or Courtship preparation, for that matter, was excessive and over the top, or maybe those gifts the men had to prepare for the family of the woman they wanted as their wife in the OT were excessive, wait till you watch this amazing little creation!
Apparently embedding is disabled so you'll have to click this link: Bower Bird, to watch the video on Youtube.

Courtship, Dating, Marriage and the Unbeliever

Since we are on the topic of dating and the like, I thought I'd repost Dan Phillips excellent post on dating unbelievers: "Dating: When words and choices clash".
Here's a little excerpt of Dan's post:

"Would you date a child molestor? Oh, of course not. Instant deal-killer. Thief, murderer? No and no. Rapist? Never. Those are really bad things.

But not as bad as being an enemy of God (Proverbs 15:9; Ephesians 2:3)? I think we have some seriously skewed priorities.

See, if you are in a dating relationship with someone who doesn’t love Christ, you’ve already said the Christ-issue isn’t the issue to you. Her looks, his job, the way she treats you, his sense of humor - whatever; these things matter more to you than Christ does.

You want this person to believe that he is a sinner, under God’s wrath, and deserving His judgment. You want him to know that his righteous deeds are as filthy rags, that everything he can produce is not enough for God.

But you’ve already communicated, by your choice, that what he has is enough for you. That you and he share enough values, goals, aspirations, and affections to create (or even consider) an exclusive and intimate relationship.

See? You’ve already dealt a death-blow to your own credibility. You really might as well stop talking. Your priorities, your choices, have drowned out your words (cf. the principle of Titus 1:16)."

And

Would you consider marrying someone who never, ever washed his body? Yuck! No way, right? What if (s)he never, ever had his heart and conscience washed (Hebrews 9:14; 10:22)? Evidently yes? Hmm.

Would you consider marrying someone who never listened to a word you said? No way. What if (s)he never listened to a word God said (Proverbs 28:4, 9; Romans 10:17)? Evidently yes?

This is an important issue and one that needs to be taught more often than not, more so in these days.

Courtship, Dating, Marriage

So I stumbled across a website with numerous Engagement/Marriage stories and one of the girls in one of the stories I read said this about what it meant for her as a Christian to be in-love, I thought it was a wonderful edifying thought/definition:

"Being in love is when I trust him completely to handle my very life, my very existence and my whole future until I die. When I can put my self, my life, and my future under his authority, and under his leading. When I know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. When I entrust myself to him completely, knowing that he listens to God. That I can submit to him, because he submits to God, and it's like I submit to God through him. To me that's being in love, and I don't feel that way about him yet. The courtship will give him the opportunity to prove himself to me."

That is just such a wonderful definition one that I would like to live up to for the future husband God has in store for me.

Dating non-Christians

When I began my walk with the Lord I was still in a relationship with a non-christian. We had been together for over 2 years, me becoming a Christian was an obstacle in the relationship for him, and the relationship became an obstacle for me in my new life since he had asked me to 'wait' for him to 'catch up'. But God always provides wether it is spiritually or physically, and He did so spiritually when during that time at the youth group I went to on saturdays at my church, our youth leader began a series on relationships. I realized why it was so wrong for a Christian to date a non-Christian, and I learned what God had to say about it in His word. After much prayer the relationship ended, and it was no longer an obstacle in my walk and finally I was able to continue growing in my walk with the Lord. The following excerpt+link makes an excellent point explaining the reasons why christians and non-christians cannot join together in a relationship.

Dating: When Words and Choices Clash
by Dan Phillips

"Coarse but pointed joke-that-you've-all-heard-anyway alert in 3... 2... 1....

So this iconic guy's talking with an iconic girl, and asks whether she'd be willing to engage in carnal acts for $1 million.

She considers, shrugs, says, "For a million dollars? I guess."

"Would you do it for $5?" he follows up.

She is shocked, and deeply offended. "What do you think I am?" she rages.

His classic retort: "Oh, we've already established what you are. Now we're haggling about price."

And now, a moment's pause while Pyro readers wonder where this could possibly be going. Play the overture from Handel's Messiah in your head. Daaaa.... da-daaaa....

Now, why is that joke funny to most folks? It's funny because of the surprising clash. In the punch-line, the woman is deeply offended, because she wants to say that her virtue is precious, and he's cheapening it with his $5 suggestion. But the man counters that he already knows her virtue not to be beyond price to her. She can be bought. What she says now is one thing; what she has already said, another.

So you, unmarried Christian reader, start dating an unbeliever. What are you saying?"