Bad Memory

This is why we should always write every new idea down on a paper or somewhere, last night as I tossed and turned in bed not being able to sleep I kept thinking of something I wanted to write about on my blog, since I have ashamedly abandoned it, but I didn't write it down I just went to sleep. Now, I've been trying to remember but I simply forgot, so I'll just have to wait t'ill it comes back to me again.
But I will share that I have neglected this blog because of a series of situations that happened to me but by God's grace all is well and I'm ready to get back to writing :)

Grace Gems: You Can Never Lose Your Mother

You can never lose your mother!
(J. R. Miller, "The SEEDS We Are Scattering" 1896)

Though all are born "dead in trespasses and sins;" in another sense, when a baby is born--its life is only a patch of soil in which, as yet, nothing is growing.

A mother's hand is the first to plant seeds there--in the looks of tender love which her eyes dart into the child's soul, in her smiles and caresses and croonings, and her thousand efforts to reach the child's heart and shape its powers; and then in the lessons which she teaches.

All the members of the household soon become sowers also on this field; as the life begins to open, every one is dropping some seed into the mellow soil.

In a little while, hands outside the home begin to scatter seeds in the child's mind and heart. The street, the playground, the school; later, books, papers, and pictures contribute their portion.

As the years advance, the experiences of life--the joys, temptations, tasks, trials, sorrows--all bring their influences. Somewhat in this way, the character of the mature man--is the growth of seeds sown by a thousand hands in the life from infancy.

All our thoughts, words, and acts--are seeds. They have in them a quality which makes them grow where they fall, reproducing themselves. This is true of the good we do.

The mother's teachings enter the mind and heart of her child as mere seeds; but they reappear in the life of the son or daughter, in later years--in strength and beauty, in
nobleness of character, and in usefulness of life. Not only is this strange power in the mother's words; her acts, her habits, her tones of voice, the influences that go forth from her life--are also seeds, having in them a vital principle. Where they lodge--they grow.

You can never lose your mother! She may die, and her body may be buried out of your sight, and laid away in God's acre. You will see her face and hear her voice no more; no more will her hand scatter the good seeds of truth and love, upon your life's garden. But you have not lost her! Your mind and heart are full of the seeds which fell from her hand along the years. These you never can lose. No hand of death can root them out of your life. They have grown into the very fibers of your character. They reappear in your habits, your dispositions, your feelings and opinions, your modes of thought, your very phrases and forms of speech! You can never lose your mother; the threads of her life are woven inextricably into your life!

All the noble things that fall from your hands, as you travel along life's paths, are seeds, and will not die. The good things we do, with the true words we speak, with the faithful example we show, with all the influences of our life that are Christlike, are living seeds which we sow in the lives of others. They will not fall into the ground and perish. They will stay where they drop, and you will find them again after many days. They will germinate and grow, and yield a harvest!

Go on doing the little things, no matter how small, only making sure that you breathe love into them. Let them fall where they may, no matter into what heart, no matter how silently, no matter how hopeless may seem the soil into which they drop, no matter how you yourself may appear to be forgotten or overlooked as you do your deeds of kindness, and speak your words of love. These words and deeds and influences of yours are living seeds, and not one of them shall perish!

The same is true, however, of the evil things we do. They, too, have in them the quality of life and reproductiveness. If only our good things were seeds, this truth would have unmingled encouragement for us. But it is startling to remember, that the same law applies to the evil things.

The man who writes a wicked book, or paints an unholy picture, or sings an impure
song--sets in motion a procession of unholy influences which will live on forever! He, too, will find his evil words again in the hearts of men, long, long afterwards; or see his unclean picture reproduced on men's lives, or hear his unholy song singing itself over again in the depths of men's being!

The evil that men do--lives after them! "Bury my influence in my grave with me!" said a wicked man, dying with bitter remorse in his soul. But that is impossible. Sometimes men who have been sowing evil, wake up to the consciousness of the harm they have been giving to other lives, and go back over their paths, trying to gather up the seeds of sin which they have cast into human hearts. But the effort is unavailing, as no one can take out of men's minds and hearts--the seeds of evil he has dropped there!

We are not done with life--when we die! We shall meet our acts and words and influences again! "Do not be deceived! God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows--he will also reap!" Galatians 6:7. He shall reap the same that he sows--and he himself shall be the reaper!

There is a law of divine justice, in which God requites to every man according to his deeds. We are not living under a reign of mere chance. But sometimes it seems as if the law of justice did not work universally--that some who do wrong, are not requited; and that some who do good, receive no reward. But this inequality of justice is only apparent. Life does not end at the grave! If it did, we might say that the Lord's ways are not always equal. God's dealings with men, are not closed in this earthly life! The story is continued through eternity!

In this present life--wrong often seems to go unpunished, and virtue unrewarded. But our present lives, are simply unfinished life-stories. There are other chapters which will be written in eternity. When all has been completed, there will be no inequality, no injustice. All virtue will have its full reward--and all sin will receive its due punishment.

Grace Gems: Christ is our Jonah

This is why Grace Gems is Grace Gems:

Christ is our Jonah!

(William Dyer, "Christ's Famous Titles")

"Then they picked up Jonah and threw him
into the sea--and the sea stopped its raging!"
Jonah 1:15

Christ is our Jonah, who threw Himself
into the sea of His Father's wrath--to save
us from everlasting perdition!

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Evangelism: Why Bus Stops?

A really good post on evangelism:

"Why bus stops? Good question. Let me explain. Let me give you a brief history on how a stumbled across the idea. Two summers years ago I did my first internship at GFC. I was hired as a part-time summer evangelist (12 weeks long). How should I start? I had no idea. The elders suggested that I begin going door-to-door to invite people to church; this would give me a better feel for the dynamics of the community, and it would remind people that there is a church in the neighbourhood which they are welcome to. I was nervous, but by God’s grace I went. Indeed, going door-to-door certainly helped me get a much better grasp of the demographics of our church neigbourhood.

Going door-to-door was a very interesting experience to say the least. To this day I still have good relations with many people in the church neighbourhood, which came as a result of simply getting out there and introducing myself (and the church) in a friendly manner. Some people are genuinely interested in a church which is in their own neighbourhood. They are more likely to come to your Christmas and Easter services if you are that friendly person who stops in every now and then to say hello and to see how they are.

I would sometimes try to talk to people at their door (lawn/porch) if I sensed they had time to talk. Sometimes I would eventually try sharing the Gospel with them. I think I only had the door slammed in my face a few times. I recall being swore at only a few times (in English). Most people were polite, but not interested. Once in a while the Lord opened doors for the spread of the Gospel (which was great!), but the opportunities seemed far and few between....Continue reading the rest"

Together as One

"There's nothing that can't be done if we raise our voices as one" M.J.

Let me tell you the story of the Tower of Babel...turn to Genesis 11:

Genesis 11

"Now the whole earth had one language and the same words. 2 And as people migrated from the east, they found a plain in the land of Shinar and settled there. 3 And they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks, and burn them thoroughly.” And they had brick for stone, and bitumen for mortar. 4 Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.”

And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of man had built. 6 And the Lord said, “Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language, and this is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. 7 Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another's speech.” 8 So the Lord dispersed them from there over the face of all the earth, and they left off building the city. 9 Therefore its name was called Babel, because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth. And from there the Lord dispersed them over the face of all the earth."

Life is but a vapor

"Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." James 4:14

Today could've been my last day on this earth. Frankly, I would've died happy after having spent half a day praising God, being edified by His Word, having communion with Him and my brethren in the faith; after having finally gotten my devotional/prayer life back in order, but I think of what I would've left behind:
- My family, that have yet to know God
- My Monday School children, still struggling to learn those Big Truths of the Bible and whom are not yet saved
Moreover, had they died, where would they have gone?
Thankfully, it was not God's will to call us to His presence today, which means there is still a work that needs to be done in us and through us. And He has given them an opportunity to not wait another second and humble themselves before their makers.
Tomorrow could be your last day, your last opportunity to consider the cost of rebelling against God.

"Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity
and passing over transgression
for the remnant of his inheritance?
He does not retain his anger forever,
because he delights in steadfast love."
Micah 7:18

The Lord our God is one whom delights in showing Mercy and Grace, and that was what He showed all four of us this evening in sparing our lives. Even though we have sinned greatly against him, Romans 3:23, "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8. Christ died and bled for us, he bore our sins on the cross and received the punishment we deserve, so please do not wait another second, repent of your sins and trust in Him who delights in showing mercy, who went to the cross so that by Grace we would be saved.

Grace Gems: 'Tis a Point I Long To Know

Today's Grace Gems is a beautiful poem by John Newton about certainty, so for those who doubt their salvation here's John Newton's 'Tis A Point I Long To Know; but before you do read it I can tell you that one can know for sure if one is saved or not, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life." writes John in his letter, 1 John 5:13, after he has written this practically manifesto of what God has done in sending Christ the Son, "offering him up as a sacrifice for sins, and sending forth "the word of life"(1 John 1:1) that is causing this world's darkness to pas away and the true light of the coming age to shine."1

'Tis a point I long to know

(John Newton)

'Tis a point I long to know,
Oft it causes anxious thought;
Do I love the Lord or no?
Am I His--or am I not?

If I love--why am I thus?
Why this dull and lifeless frame?
Hardly, sure, can they be worse,
Who have never heard His name!

Could my heart so hard remain,
Prayer a task and burden prove,
Every trifle give me pain,
If I knew a Savior's love?

When I turn my eyes within,
All is dark, and vain, and wild;
Filled with unbelief and sin,
Can I deem myself a child?

If I pray, or hear, or read,
Sin is mixed with all I do!
You who love the Lord indeed,
Tell me--Is it thus with you?

Yet I mourn my stubborn will,
Find my sin a grief and thrall;
Should I grieve for what I feel,
If I did not love at all?

Could I joy His saints to meet,
Choose the ways I once abhorred,
Find, at times, the promise sweet,
If I did not love the Lord?

Lord, decide the doubtful case!
You who are Your people's sun,
Shine upon Your work of grace,
If it is indeed begun.

Let me love You more and more,
If I love at all, I pray;
If I have not loved before,
Help me to begin today!

1: ESV Study Bible. Introduction to 1 John. Purpose, Ocassion, and Background. Pg.2426

John Piper on Being Radical

“Find the hard stuff, get satisfied in Jesus, find him sufficiently motivating and enjoy the fellowship of his sufferings.”1

1: Radical Risk without Relocation at C.J. Mahaney's Blog

God's Chisel

I'm posting this because it soooo reminds me of ME! and how I tend to react many times, after I've prayed to God that he would "chisel me" to conform me more to Jesus Christ:

Challies: Don't Take Your iPod to Church! (Part 1.5)

"I know a lot about my wife. I know what she likes to wear around the house, what she likes to wear to church and what she likes to wear when we go out for dinner. I know what she likes to eat and what she hates to eat. I know what books she likes to read, what movies she likes to watch, what web sites she likes to browse. I have all of this accumulated knowledge about my wife. But I think I could have this same level of knowledge about whoever the latest Hollywood heartthrob happens to be. This is exactly the kind of knowledge that you might find in those newspapers and magazines that clutter the checkouts at the grocery stores and it is the kind of knowledge that I might find on the hundreds of gossip blogs that pollute the internet.

I also have knowledge of my wife, knowledge that goes far beyond the facts of preferences, likes, dislikes, hobbies. I have an intense and intimate knowledge of my wife—a kind of knowledge shared by no one else in the world. She and I enjoy intimacy that transcends mere bits of information.

A trend we see today through today’s digital technology is the exaltation of this kind of knowledge, cold facts, at the expense of more intimate knowledge. This is true, I’m convinced, when we take our iPods to church. Quentin Schultze says that we have become like tourists who are so enamored by our mode of transportation that we cruise through nation after nation largely indifferent to the people and the cultures around us. We have our passports filled with the little stamps telling people just how many places we’ve been, but what is the purpose of being in places if we have not experienced them? And what is the purpose of knowing people if we do not care to know them on anything more than a surface level? The trend today is toward these fleeting, surface-level interactions...Click here to read the rest of the article

Of Hymns and Things: I Surrender All

"Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:33

Words: Jud­son W. Van De­Vent­er, 1896:

The song was writ­ten while I was con­duct­ing a meet­ing at East Pal­es­tine, Ohio, in the home of George Seb­ring (found­er of the Seb­ring Camp­meet­ing Bi­ble Con­fer­ence in Seb­ring, Ohio, and lat­er de­vel­op­er of the town of Seb­ring, Flor­i­da). For some time, I had strug­gled be­tween de­vel­op­ing my tal­ents in the field of art and go­ing into full-time evan­gel­is­tic work. At last the pi­vot­al hour of my life came, and I sur­ren­dered all. A new day was ushered in­to my life. I became an evang­el­ist and dis­cov­ered down deep in my soul a tal­ent hi­ther­to un­known to me. God had hid­den a song in my heart, and touch­ing a ten­der chord, He caused me to sing.

Music: Win­field S. Weed­en, 1896**

All to Jesus, I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

Refrain

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

Refrain

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

Refrain

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

Refrain

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

Refrain

I especially love this hymn because of its sobering words of surrendering all to Jesus, how can we not when Christ surrendered all for us undeserving sinners? and yet we still struggle holding on to so many things, when singing hymns like these I pray to God that it may be a reality in my life and not just words to a tune in my lips, and in this case I pray that I may be able to daily die to self by surrendering all to Him, my precious Savior!


**Lyrics and Hymn details compliments of: Cyberhymnal.org (now known as Nethymnal.org)

Being Ungrateful

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

I should plaster this all over my room, my books, my things, my everything; because I obviously still have not learned this verse in all its profoundity and yet simple and truthful demand, to give thanks in EVERYTHING. I realized today thanks to the wisdom words of my good friend Tomassetti that I am such and ungrateful fool. It was one of those moments one of the youth leaders from my church described a few Saturdays ago, when the little things in this life can completely throw us off focus. Instead of setting our eyes/minds/hearts to Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, we set them on this earth, on our pride, on ourselves. Suddenly we are all puffed up, we are the victims, we are the wronged ones, and now the world has to serve ME. And oh how it hurts when with the Sword of Truth we are popped like a balloon and we fall right back down to realize that:

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." - Isaiah 64:6
"So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" Luke 17:10

And why these two realities? Because both of them, our righteous acts and our obedience, lead us to think that we are somehow deserving of any of the blessings God bestows upon us.
And finally another, extra-scriptural I might add, word of wisdom to mortify the pride in all of us, especially in me:

"Beggars can't be choosers"

But even in this hurtful, pride-mortifying, sin-convicting moment I must be thankful to God for He answered last night's prayer that he would work on my pride, and because He as my Heavenly Father loves me enough to discipline me.

Again:

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

I leave this now as one of those examples in the Bible of what NOT to do: never be ungrateful, never think that just because the Lord has chosen and saved you and blessed you with His Holy Spirit and working in you that in any way shape or form you deserve any of it because you know what? It's by Grace that you have been saved through faith and this not your own doing, it is the gift of God not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

If all you wanted were lemons and God gave you a lemon tree seed, GIVE THANKS!

Grace Gems: I would teach you a way to be never be disappointed

I would teach you a way to be never be disappointed

(The following is a letter of John Newton

to his 13 year old adopted daughter, who was away at school)

"The LORD does whatever pleases Him--in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths!" Psalm 135:6

My dear Betsy,
How vain are all things here below! "Vanity of vanities!" says the preacher. And you, and I, and your mamma, may say so likewise; for we all counted upon seeing you last Sunday. We listened at the door--and peeped out of the window--but no Betsy came! Now we will venture to expect you next Sunday.

Indeed, it is not amiss that you should now and then meet with a hindrance--that you may learn, if possible--not to count too much on what tomorrow may do for you--and that you may begin to feel the impossibility of being happy, any further than your will is brought into submission to the will of God. In order to learn this--you must have your own will frequently crossed. And things do and will turn out, almost daily in one way or other--contrary to our wishes and expectations.

When such disappointments happen--most people fret and fume! They are angry and impatient! But others, who are in the Lord's school, and desirous of being taught by Him--get benefit by these things, and sometimes find more pleasure in yielding to His appointments, though contrary to their own wills--than they would have done, if all had happened just as they had desired!

I wish for you my dear child, to think much of the Lord's governing providence. It extends to the minutest concerns. He rules and manages all things; but in so secret a way, that most people think that He does nothing. When, in reality--He does ALL!

He appointed the time of your coming into the world. And the day and hour of your coming home from school to us--totally depends upon Him likewise! Nor can you safely travel one step of the road--without His protection and care over you!

It may now seem a small matter to you and I, whether you came home last Sunday--or are to come home next Sunday. But we know not what different consequences may depend upon the day--we know not what hidden danger you might have escaped by staying at school last Sunday. The Lord knows all things! He foresees every possible consequence! Often what we call disappointments, are really mercies from Him to save us from harm!

If I could teach you a lesson, which, as yet, I have but poorly learned myself--I would teach you a way to be never be disappointed. This would be the case--if you could always form a right judgment of this world, and all things in it.

If you go to a bramble-bush to look for grapes--you must be disappointed; but then you are old enough to know that grapes never grow upon brambles. So, if you expect much pleasure here in this world--you will not find it. But you ought not to say you are disappointed, because the Scripture plainly warned you beforehand, to look for crosses, trials and hindrances, every day. If you expect such things--you will not be disappointed when they happen!

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: Naked I came from my mother's womb--and naked I will depart. The Lord gave--and the Lord has taken away! May the name of the Lord be praised!" Job 1:20-21

The Fire

Of Life, Church, and other issues...

A few months back I began to struggle with a situation, to leave or not to leave, that was/is the question. I had even played around in my mind to be torn between these two worlds because I grown fond of one dearly, and yet the other is where I felt I would be better serving God for a lot of reasons. But after prayer and a lot of thought to the matter finally I had chosen to stay at the one I had grown fond of. It wasn't until I read this from Frank Turk's post on The Tombstone of a Wife, part of his series on why he left his church:

"Let me put it this way: if I was attending a church where I was teaching Sunday school and having serviceable worship on Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, but I found that all my fellowship time and discipleship and real acts of public service for the sake of Christ was under the umbrella of another church, I'd seriously consider changing churches – even if I couldn’t teach at the new church. And the reasoning would be this: I am fruitlessly ministering to this body of people, and I am fruitfully ministering with these other people. My Christian life is actually a life in one circumstance, and no so much in the other."

At no given point was I even hoping for this to happen or praying for this to happen until last year when I began attending this evangelistic Bible study on Mondays. There I met brothers and sisters from another church whom soon enough I began to love dearly. Then when this year began something incredible happened, I had been praying for nearly a year that the Lord would grant someone to be my fellow worker in spreading the gospel, and not only did the Lord answer my prayers, but he provided a whole team of my brothers and sisters to join me in this cause of spreading the gospel. Who were these people? my brothers and sisters from the other church.
What began with a desire to preach the gospel turned into an evangelism ministry to reach out with the gospel a group of women on a certain street who have spent their lives selling their bodies in order to survive. My sister V had shared with my and J her desire to reach out to these women and we found out that the three of us shared this common passion.
Months have passed and what started with me going to this Bible study on Mondays, has turned to me having all my fellowship/ministry/discipleship/accountability with these brethren from the other church: "My Christian life is actually a life in one circumstance, and no so much in the other."
What is the next step? 1. Continue to pray, 2. Seek advice from my pastors and even from the pastors/leaders from the other church.
Please pray for me as I deal with this, not so easy situation.

Grace Gems: When we complain about the weather!

And now returning to our regular broadcast! A Grace Gem! ok so while I abandoned the blog for months I also abandoned my regular Grace Gem posting and reading...but now I'm back! With a great one if I may say so. So often do we complain about the weather and yet we forget that our Lord is sovereign even over the weather, so next time you complain about how hot it is or how cold it is, or how rainy, etc, think of this grace gem.

When we complain about the weather!

(Arthur Pink, "The Sovereignty of God

")

"He spreads snow like wool;
He scatters frost like ashes;
He throws His hailstones like crumbs.
Who can withstand His cold?
He unleashes His winds, and the waters flow."
Psalm 147:15-18

What a declaration is this! The changes of the elements are beneath God's sovereign control. It is God who withholds the rain--and it is God who gives the rain . . .
when He wills,
where He wills,
as He wills, and
on whom He wills!

"I also withheld the rain from you while there were still three months until harvest. I sent rain on one city--but no rain on another. One field received rain--while a field with no rain withered. I struck you with blight and mildew; the locust devoured your many gardens and vineyards, your fig trees and olive trees! I sent plagues like those of Egypt; I killed your young men with the sword . . . says the Lord." Amos 4:7-10

"The breath of God produces ice, and the broad waters become frozen. He loads the clouds with moisture; He scatters His lightning through them. At His direction they swirl around over the face of the whole earth to do whatever He commands them. He brings the clouds to punish men--or to water His earth and show His love." Job 37:10-13

Truly, then, God governs the elements!

Earth and wind,
fire and rain,
hail and snow,
stormy winds and angry seas
--all obey His omnipotent word--and fulfill His sovereign pleasure! Therefore, when we complain about the weather, we are, in reality, murmuring against God!

Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking

Someone posted this article on Facebook and I thought it worthwhile sharing. It reminded me of Romans 1, and how God has written certain things in our hearts, and I think Biblical Womanhood is one of them, but we suppress these truths in unrighteousness by following ways that seem right to us but ultimately lead to destruction. Without further adieu:

Madonna syndrome: I should have ditched feminism for love, children and baking
by Zoe Lewis
( http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/article5662099.ece)

I never thought I would be saying this, but being a free woman isn't all it's cracked up to be. Is that the rustle of taffeta I hear as the suffragettes turn in their graves? Possibly. My mother was a hippy who kept a pile of (dusty) books by Germaine Greer and Erica Jong by her bed (like every good feminist, she didn't see why she should do all the cleaning). She imbued me with the great values of choice, equality and sexual liberation. I fought with my older brother and won; at university I beat the rugby lads at drinking games. I was not to be messed with.

Now, nearly 37, those same values leave me feeling cold. I want love and children but they are nowhere to be seen. I feel like a UN inspector sent in to Iraq only to find that there never were any weapons of mass destruction. I was led to believe that women could “have it all” and, more to the point, that we wanted it all. To that end I have spent 20 years ruthlessly pursuing my dreams - to be a successful playwright. I have sacrificed all my womanly duties and laid it all at the altar of a career. And was it worth it? The answer has to be a resounding no.

Ten years ago The Times ran a piece about my play Paradise Syndrome. It was based on my girlfriends in the music business. All we did was party, work and drink. The play sold out and I thought: “This is it! I'm going to have it all: success, power and men are going to adore me for it.” In reality it was the beginning of years of hard slog, rejection letters and living on the breadline. A decade on, I have written the follow-up play Touched for the Very First Time in which Lesley, played by Sadie Frost, is an ordinary 14-year-old from Manchester who falls in love with Madonna in 1984 after hearing the song Like a Virgin. She religiously follows her icon through the years, as Madonna sells her the ultimate dream: “You can do anything - be anything - go girl.” Lesley discovers, along with Madonna, that trying to “have it all” is a huge gamble. I wrote the play because so many of my girlfriends were inspired by this bullish woman who allowed us to be strong and sexy. I still love her and always will, but she has encouraged us to chase a fantasy and it's a huge disappointment.

I may be an extreme case. My views may not represent those of other women of my generation. Perhaps I am just a spoilt middle-class girl who had a career and who has now changed her mind? I don't think so. This month the General Household Survey found that the number of unmarried women under 50 has more than doubled over the past 30 years. And by the age of 30, one in five of these “freemales”, who have chosen independence over husband and family, has gone through a broken cohabitation.

I argue that women's libbers of the Sixties and Seventies put careerism at the forefront, trampling the traditional role of women underneath their Doc Martens. I wish a more balanced view of womanhood had been available to me. I wish that being a housewife or a mother wasn't such a toxic idea to middle-class liberals of yesteryear.

Increasing numbers of my feminist friends are giving up their careers for love and children and baking. I wish I'd had kids ten years ago, when time was on my side, but the problem is not so much time as mentality. I made a conscious decision not to have serious relationships because I thought I had all the time in the world. Many of my friends did the same. It's about understanding what is important in life, and from what I see and feel, loving relationships and children bring more happiness than work ever can.

Natasha Hidvegi, 37, has left her job as a surgeon to look after her son. “I found it impossible to be a good surgeon and a good mother. Though it was a horrendous decision, I don't regret it.”

I thought that men would love independent, strong women, but (in general) they don't appear to. Men are programmed to like their women soft and feminine. It's not their fault - it's in the genes. Holly Kendrick, 34, who holds a high-status job in the theatre, agrees: “Men tend to be freaked out if you work as hard as them.” This is why many of my girlfriends are still alone. The truth, though, is not that men haven't accepted women's modernity - the alpha woman who never questions her entitlement to the same jobs, fun and sexual gratification as them - but that women haven't either. I feel a great pressure from other women of my generation, who have partners and kids, to join their club. In their eyes I am not the trailblazer but the failure. My friend Rita Arnold, 36, works in marketing. “It's not men who judge me for being a careerist. It's other women. The claws come out.”

This leaves me sick to the stomach. We are letting each other down but there is a worse betrayal than that. I am a failure in my own eyes. Somewhere inside lurks a woman I cannot control and she is in the kitchen with a baby on her hip and dough in her hand, staring me down. She is saying: “This is happiness, this is what it's all about.” It's an instinct that makes me a woman, an instinct that I can't ignore even if I wanted to.

Felicity Wren, 36, is an actress who has yet to find Mr Right. “I feel the pressure, but only from myself, about how I do not have a conventional life. Most people don't care.”

Had I this understanding of my psyche ten years ago I would have demoted my writing (and hedonism) and pursued a relationship with vigour. There were plenty of men and even a marriage offer, but I wouldn't give up my dreams.

I talked to the girls who were the subject of my play Paradise Syndrome in 1999. Sas Taylor, 38, single and childless, runs her own PR company: “In my twenties I felt I was invincible,” she says. “Now I wish I had done it all differently. I seem to scare men off because I am so capable. I have business success but it doesn't make you happy.” Nicki P, 35 and single, works in the music industry and adds: “It was all a game back then. Now I am panicking. No one told me that having fun is not as fun as I thought.”

As I write this I feel sad, as if the feminist principles that my mother brought me up on are being trashed. Am I betraying womanhood? No, I am revealing a shameful truth. Women are often the worst enemies of feminism because of our genetic make-up. We have only a finite time to be mothers and when that clock starts ticking we abandon our strength and jump into bed with whoever is left, forgetting talk of deadlines and PowerPoint presentations in favour of Mamas & Papas buggies and ovulation diaries. Not all women want children but I challenge any woman to say she doesn't want loving relationships. I wish I'd had the advice that I am giving to my 21-year-old sister: if you find a great guy, don't be afraid to settle down and have kids because there isn't anything to miss out on that you can't do later (apart from having kids).

In the future I hope that there can be a better understanding of women by women. The past 25 years have been confusing and I feel that I've been caught in the crossfire. As women we should accept each other rather than just appreciating “success”. I have always felt a huge pressure to be successful to show men that I am their equal. What a waste of time. Wife and mother should be given parity with the careerist role in the minds of feminists.

My mother had children early and has brilliantly juggled a career as a filmmaker and parent. She was part of the generation that overlapped, that had feminist values but had children early. She hasn't had the job opportunities of my generation, she had to make sacrifices and take lesser jobs to be at parents' evenings. Choice and careers are vital, of course, but they shouldn't be pursued relentlessly. I love being a writer and still have my dream but now I am facing facts. The thing that has made me feel best in life was being in love with my ex-boyfriend and the thing that makes me feel the most centred is being in the country with kids and dogs, and yes, maybe in the kitchen.

Touched for the Very First Time opened this week at Trafalgar Studios, London; www.touchedtheplay.com

Shai Linne on Biblical Womanhood: Working Out Your Salvation With Fear and Trembling

This is a song from Shai Linne's latest album Storiez, I just love it!

Work It Out - Shai Linne

WORK IT OUT

Chorus

You running hard for the King?

I know that’s right!

Is Jesus your everything?

I know that’s right!

Did He really make all things new?

No doubt!

By His grace, whatcha gonna do?

Work it out!

Verse 1

She’s not your typical girl

Sixteen years old and she’s dead to the world

Faith by her lifestyle demonstrated

because the gospel penetrated and now she’s regenerated

Her Master is greater than fashions and flavors

She patterns her behavior after the Savior

Back in the days you would have seen her standing in the mirror

Yeah, her skin was clear, but her vanity was clearer

Now she’s in the Scriptures and wants to be like

Hannah and Sarah rather than Christina Aguilera

Wordly girls imitate Missy Elliot

But she wants to be like Elisabeth Eliot

Not flexing her body, see she dresses with modesty

She’s not perfect- she confesses sin honestly

Christ crucified! That’s her permanent shout

And by the grace of the Lord, she’s working it out

Chorus

Verse 2

She’s not your normal wife

She’s twenty-four and Christ is the Lord of her life

Her walk is evidence that she trusts in God

And it feels so good to be justified

And no, she doesn’t have a Master’s in Divinity

But what she does have is a passion for the Trinity

When she recalls her previous prodigal seasons

And how at times she could be the loudest of heathens

She praises God for making this former feminist

submit to her husband for theological reasons

Worldly wives watch Oprah to learn to be a lady

But she’s reading the writings of Carolyn Mahaney

And she would never disrespect her husband in public

And if she does it, she repents- I love it!

Christ crucified! That’s her permanent shout

And by the grace of the Lord, she’s working it out

Chorus

Verse 3

She’s not your usual mother

{ahem} years old and she’s true to the lover

of her soul, she beholds the cross where He copped it

Once was agnostic, now she’s adopted

Her passion grows greater as she beholds him

Job title: homemaker/ theologian

Early in her walk, she would fight against His will then

The Lord used her marriage and the Bible to reveal sin

Now she fights to kill sin and her greatest joy is

serving her husband as she’s discipling her children

While worldly mothers stress shopping for the new style

She’s pouring into younger women Titus 2 style

Teaching others how to rightly see brothers and be mothers

And most of all better Jesus lovers

Christ crucified! That’s her permanent shout

And by the grace of the Lord, she’s working it out

Chorus

Our Physical Health

Poor diet, lack of exercise, and unhealthy lifestyle choices are responsible for 65% of cancer deaths - American Cancer Society, 06

As a Christian and a Doctor, ahem (ok I'll stop :P) I feel I have to respond to things like these. Our days are counted right? we can't add a day to our lifetime nor an inch to our stature right? So why even worry about things like these? diet? exercise? unhealthy lifestyle choices? Wrong. While we shouldn't lose sleep over these things we should take care of the things God has entrusted us and one of those things is our body. Now I'm not saying that we should go to a gym and hire a personal trainer and have fit abs and whatnot. That is not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that we have to 1. obey our doctors when they tells us we need to lower our cholesterol intake (meaning all that greasy food that loves to stick to our arteries) 2. When they tell us to lower the amount of sweets we eat (all that goody and unhealthy sugary junk we love so much, oh the pancakes with extra syrup! sorry...personal favorite) or eat healthier carbs 3. When they tell us to do some sort of excercise at least an hour a day (remember lazyness is no good, from a Biblical perspective it can even be sinful. The exercise could be something as simple as a walk around the block/park, walking the neighbor's dog/cat/sugarglider/younameit)

So granted we can't add a day to those 10/40/60/90 days the Lord had planned for us to live but we can live out those days in a healthy way, it could even serve to help us practice self control, I know it has helped me. But remember two things:
1. Not to make an idol of your body.
2. What truly matters before the Lord is our spiritual health (meaning don't do one thing at the expense of another).

Shai Linne: on Limited Atonement

Verse 1

Here’s a controversial subject that tends to divide
For years it’s had Christians lining up on both sides
By God’s grace, I’ll address this without pride
The question concerns those for whom Christ died
Was He trying to save everybody worldwide?
Was He trying to make the entire world His Bride?
Does man’s unbelief keep the Savior’s hands tied?
Biblically, each of these must be denied
It’s true, Jesus gave up His life for His Bride
But His Bride is the elect, to whom His death is applied
If on judgment day, you see that you can’t hide
And because of your sin, God’s wrath on you abides
And hell is the place you eternally reside
That means your wrath from God hasn’t been satisfied
But we believe His mission was accomplished when He died
But how the cross relates to those in hell?
Well, they be saying:

Lord knows He tried (8x)

Verse 2

Father, Son and Spirit: three and yet one
Working as a unit to get things done
Our salvation began in eternity past
God certainly has to bring all His purpose to pass
A triune, eternal bond no one could ever sever
When it comes to the church, peep how they work together
The Father foreknew first, the Son came to earth
To die- the Holy Spirit gives the new birth
The Father elects them, the Son pays their debt and protects them
The Spirit is the One who resurrects them
The Father chooses them, the Son gets bruised for them
The Spirit renews them and produces fruit in them
Everybody’s not elect, the Father decides
And it’s only the elect in whom the Spirit resides
The Father and the Spirit- completely unified
But when it comes to Christ and those in hell?
Well, they be saying:

Lord knows He tried (8x)

Verse 3

My third and final verse- here’s the situation
Just a couple more things for your consideration
If saving everybody was why Christ came in history
With so many in hell, we’d have to say He failed miserably
So many think He only came to make it possible
Let’s follow this solution to a conclusion that’s logical
What about those who were already in the grave?
The Old Testament wicked- condemned as depraved
Did He die for them? C’mon, behave
But worst of all, you’re saying the cross by itself doesn’t save
That we must do something to give the cross its power
That means, at the end of the day, the glory’s ours
That man-centered thinking is not recommended
The cross will save all for whom it was intended
Because for the elect, God’s wrath was satisfied
But still, when it comes to those in hell
Well, they be saying:

Lord knows He tried (8x)