Thursday, July 20, 2006

Unknown White Male

I was watching a Film/Documentary of a man named Doug who one day lost his memory. Completely lost his memory. One day he was Doug the photographer waiting for a friend who was to sleep over at his flat, hours later he is an unknown white English male walking down the streets of New York, with a backpack on his shoulders and no documents to identify him. After turning himself to the police and finding a phone number of a person that came from his backpack he finally found someone who knew who he was. A female friend he had dated very shortly not too long ago. She told him who he was, the kind of life he led and all sorts of things. After that he embarked on a two year journey to find out who he was, his past friends, families. But the new Doug was no longer anything like the old Doug. The old Doug was a cynical, extroverted, sarcastic, cocky, cold English young man who lived life much like a lot of people in this world, having fun partying with his friends and enjoying himself. The new Doug is sensitive, emotional, kind of shy, a more intuitive and a more passive person. The old Doug lived a fast life, collected things, was once in the stock market, and not very happy with his life. The new Doug continued the photography classes the old Doug had started, didn't care much for collecting or keeping things, realized the importance of living life at a slower pace and was more philosophic about life and existentialism.
Doug got to a point where he just didn't want to remember anything at all anymore. He liked the way he was turning out now that he had been given a 2nd chance at life, if it can be called that. His friends though missed the old Doug.
As I viewed this movie I thought wow. Such luck. If only he would have been surrounded by Christian friends at the time wouldn't it have been more awesome to be born again with a, literally, clean slate? But you see we are given a clean slate. Our mistakes and sins are there for a purpose. You learn to appreciate your new life even more, knowing that the things you did in the past have been forgiven. But one must know what wrongs one has done in the past to truly know what one is being forgiven for, right?
Then I thought, look at how this person was changed completely by the "deletion" of his memories, his old attitudes, his old ways. Something big has to happen to a person in order for that person to change radically. In order to become someone else.
And then I remembered what happened to me the day I was given a clean slate. A second chance at this thing called life. Something "big" happened to me that day. I too like Doug was living life at a fast pace. And like him I changed completely. The old Rita sort of died off. She was "deleted" from the database. The memories are still there, but the person no longer lives in me. There are some traits still hanging on. But the old depressive, introvert, rancorous, rebellious, angry at the world, funny, "sweet" Rita was erased. That is my description of her at least. The new Rita is living life at a slower pace as well, I have a new view on life, a purpose, I live for God now, I don't drink, I listen to Christian music, I don't collect things, I'm shier, I'm sweet, and many other things that if you'd like to know you should get to know me. How others viewed the old Rita? Crazy, fun, drinker, emo, party girl, conversational, sarcastic, and many other things. They too have missed the old Rita.
The difference between Dougs friends and my old friends is, that they hang on to the hopes of him ever recovering his memory again while mine know that life for me is so much better and that I simply do not want to ever go back to being her again. The one thing Doug and I have in common? A chance at a new life and the desire of never becoming our old selves ever again.
This life is good. I can tell you that. Far better than any of the things I used to do and live for. To feel loved the way I do. To have a purpose finally!!!. To live for eternal things. To change. To have a second chance. To love. To be forgiven. To forgive. To be born again!

May the Lord bless you all. May He lead you through righteous paths, and may you all find a reason to live and be happy!!

Yours Truly,

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